Sean O’Malley: “I lost my taste, but it’s not Coronavirus”

Previous to the UFC’s final event of the year, UFC Vegas 17, the MMA community at large questioned the fashion sense of “Sugar” Sean O’Malley—with curly locks the same color as a box of Crayola crayons barfing on his head and clothing choices mirroring a toddler who dressed himself for the first time. The one known as “Sugar” demonstrated some bitterness in his sportsmanship following the alteration of his undefeated record at the hands of Marlon “Chito” Vera, but his latest assault on the Ecuadorian native has left a sour taste in everyone’s mouth.

Back at UFC 252 in mid-August, Vera kicked O’Malley into a stretcher, thereby earning an opportunity to climb into the bantamweight division’s top-ten opposite a living legend like Jose Aldo. O’Malley—with trusty sidekick coach, Tim Welch, by his side—watched UFC Vegas 17’s co-main event with his Twitter account activated and ready to fire. Once Aldo was officially announced the victor, O’Malley punched send:

As the reactions soon began pouring in and O’Malley basked in all his glory, he took a bite of his vegan, marijuana-infused nachos and noticed: his sense of taste had gone haywire. Earlier that day, O’Malley received a negative Covid-19 test, so he turned to Welch with wide eyes and said, “I lost my taste, but it’s not Coronavirus!” 

Welch then discovered an experiment online from Dr. Oz as a way of pinpointing the issue. O’Malley would try three substances: sugar, salt, and Jon Jones’ stevia, and his reaction would lead to a proper diagnosis. 

Based on O’Malley’s responses, the daytime TV doctor explained in the article that the issue is the result of “too much hair dye and extreme delusion.” Welch read the remedy aloud, “It says you should drink more milk and refrain from social media.”

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